The Right Way in Marriage

Ephesians 5:33 "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

Do you reverence your husband? Do your children see that you love him and that you have a desire to do as he ask? I know it's not the easiest thing to do. We are all human and we all make mistakes, however it doesn't excuse us from honoring, submitting, showing reverence to our husbands.

I've been married almost 22 years and trust me it's not always easy to do these things. BUT what does make it easier is that we are both Christians, we both want to serve the Lord with our whole life, we both want, what God wants.

So how can you do as Ephesians 5:33 says:

1. Notice your husband. Notice when he comes home, notice when he does something for you. He will want to be there and do more if you take the time to Notice him!

2. Make sure you show consideration for him. One way of doing this is through your appearance. If he doesn't like an outfit don't wear it.

My husband I have what I guess you would call, codes for outfits.
Your wearing that again - I know to get rid of it.
That's ok - he really doesn't care for it.
That's nice - he likes the outfit.
You look GREAT - he loves the outfit and then he also has other sayings when he really likes what I'm wearing.

Your hair even take into consideration if he likes it. Before I get my hair cut I have pictures of what it will look similar to, and if he likes it I will go with that cut. You ask why do you do that? Well, He is my husband and I want him to have say in how I look.

3. Honor Him! If you are married, engaged or even dating, you should honor that man and as married people your children need to see that you Honor their dad!

I Corinthians 8:1 "Knowledge puffeth up, but charity {love} edifieth."  Learn to brag on your husband build his ego, let him hear you tell people how great a job he did at this or that. Don't down grade him.

4. Be courteous and polite. You know in today's world I see so much rudeness and I really feel for our husbands/wives and children. If you expect your children to be courteous and polite they NEED to see mom and dad being courteous and polite to each other!!

Proverbs 25:11 "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver."

A little saying Mrs. Rice put in her book that I really like is:

Hearts, like doors, ope' with ease

To very, very little keys.

And don't forget that two of these,

Are "Thank you, sir" and "If you please."

 

5. Love Him!! Why did you marry him? Because you LOVED him! I've heard said, a woman can hate and love their husband at the same time and mean it when they say both. :) Make sure that man you are married to KNOWS you Love him! Just as you want to hear those 3 wonderful words, Your husband wants to hear them also.

 

 

You know we're not perfect and we all make mistakes but we all should keep God in the center of our marriage and in the center of our relationship. You will have the Right Marriage if you do! 

Marriage

One MAN and One WOMAN is what God defined as marriage! With our daughter getting married in exactly 1 month and 1 day she and I have talked and we are so very proud of Tabitha Jane as she has done as EVERY young lady should and kept herself for the one she's to marry, Thomas Robert!

Back in 1981 when I was just barely a teenager, my bus captain in NC gave me a book titled "The Right Romance in marriage" By Cathy Rice. At first I thought I'm only 13 why are you giving this to me, but I'll never forget what Bro Harry told me. He said, "Paula, I know right now you don't need this book, but one day you will meet the man you are to marry and I want you to have this for that time." Well, I gave the book to my mom to hold on to for me, and shortly after I graduated High School my mom gave the book back to me. You ask why after high school? Well, I was going to college and many times that is where you meet your husband/wife and this was and is a GREAT book.  This was upon my request that she hold it till then. I have read the book several times now and you know, Not once did it say the romance between 2 men or 2 women, it ALWAYS mentioned having the right romance between a MAN and WOMAN!

Proverbs 18:22 "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord." 
When you get married yes you are happy but the word/or act of marriage isn't all that will make you happy. Why not be happy in your marriage through the Lord. Have the Lord as part of your marriage.
When you and your spouse are together, do you pray together? Do you read God's word together? Do you share things you learn from your personal devotions together? These things will make your marriage stronger.

If you are single reading this, this next part is for especially for you. I adopted several things as to what My Man should be when I was "searching" for Mr Right :) Now, Mr right didn't come along for a long time, but I knew when I saw William Paul IV walk by that he was the one. I didn't know his name let alone anything about him, but somehow I knew he was the one. Mrs Rice had 20 things she looked for in her man,  I'm just going to list some of the one's I used for myself.

My Ideal Man

 

1. He MUST be saved.

2. He MUST be truthful.

3. He Must not be idle, lazy.

4. He Must be a leader among men and in our home.

5. Have high regards for women - especially his wife.

6. He should have ambition.

7. He must not curse, drink or smoke (these are 3 combined)

8. He MUST be dependable.

9. He must have faith and trust in me.

10.  He must love me through good and bad.

 

Again these are just a few things, of course there was the He must be handsome!

 

All these things above are important but let me ask you, If your husband were to say to you one day, we are going to Africa as Missionaries would you go willing or would you complain about all you will have to leave behind?

 

Ruth 1:16 "Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God,"

 

Would you say this to your husband or would it be: Whither thou goest I'll go BUT  it has to be here, and where thou lodgest I will lodge as long as there's a queen size bed, in a two story house, 2 car garage, fenced in back yard and beautiful flowers, thy people, well they will be mine IF I like them, thy God yea he will be God too.

 

Which way would you Honestly go with? Ruth 1:16 or what I wrote below it?? See I have been in this position where, Ruth 1:16, I had to decided, that was what I would follow not what I typed afterwards. However I had to decide this BEFORE I said, "Yes" to marry my husband. See, he at the time we were dating felt the Lord was leading him to Poland!! Yes I said Poland, well shortly after we married Dr. Maurice Paulson a very dear Missions teacher, asked my husband to pray about Canada. When we finished college we were headed to Canada. BUT when I married my husband I married him knowing I would follow him to Poland, to love a people that would become his people. I to this day believe the Lord allowed him to have a burden for Poland, to see if I would have the Ruth 1:16 testimony or the "Paula" way.... Let me say, as any girl would, I had my dreams of where I would live and what I would drive, and trust me the car was a lot nicer than what we are driving, and well, the house was mine not my Dad in laws house. That is another story. Which just so there's no confusion the Lord has put us in Maine to serve. There are earlier post that tells about our ministry here in Maine. So....

 

Have I always wanted to follow? Honestly, no, but through much prayer and God being my God and my husbands God he helped me to get through those times I didn't want to go.

 

So see friend, marriage isn't just a ring on your finger, it's a whole lot more! I've barely touched on what we as wives should be or do for our MAN, but if you truly want to be the wife, God intended you to be, you will follow Ruth 1:16 "Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God,"

 

Will it always be easy? Nope!

Will you always want to go? Nope!

The next question is though, Will you? ONLY YOU can answer that!

 

In days to come I will share  more on this subject of Marriage. By no means am I an expert on this subject but I know a book, The King James Bible that has ALL the answers! I will have books I recommend for reading also on Marriage, but at the top of that list will be the Bible!!

 



Marriage is a Commitment!

Titus 2: 1-5 Read now..... "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,"

As wives and moms we are taught to love our husbands and children. In Ephesians 5:22-28 we are told in one verse "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it:" As you read the 2 passages given today you'll see they are familiar in one respect. Titus 2 says that the wife if to love the husband, then in Ephesians 5 the husband is told to love the wife.

Now my question is do you have Agape love as is spoken of in Ephesians or Phileo love as is spoke of in Titus? Here's 6 truths regarding Phileo and Agape love.

1. Man most wants phileo love or affection from his wife; woman most wants agape  love or deep, abiding love from her husband.

2. Phileo love or affection from a woman will stir agape love or a deep, abiding love from a man; agape love from a man will stir phileo love in a woman.

3. There is less of a need to command a woman to have agape love than there is in a man, and there is less of a need to command a man to have phileo love than there is in a woman.

4.There is no place in the Bible where a woman is commanded to have agape love nor is there a single place in the Bible where a man is commanded to have phileo love.

We are commanded to give not what we want or need, but what the other wants and needs.

5. We should not try to be a good wife or a good husband, and we should not expect to receive the exact love that we give.

6. A man needs to feel needed and attractive; a lady needs to feel protected, loved, and cherished.

Do you agape or phileo your wife/husband?

Marriage is a Commitment!

Read Ephesians 5:21-19 How are you enjoying the lessons. I did forget mention that my points are coming from a booklet Dr Jack Hyles wrote. I believe that in today's world we occasionally need a reminder of how our marriages should be. So many think homosexuals, lesbians are acceptable. I may be sticking my neck out by saying its WRONG but if we don't take a stand for right, who will?!

Here's the last 5 points to our first part of Marriage is a commitment not an agreement.

16. Go out on a weekly date with your spouse. I've been married for 20 yrs and I could probably count on one hand the number of times we didn't have our weekly date! Those date nights are so very crucial for a marriage. There has been times that the date night was a life saver, as well as refreshing spending time with my husband without the children.
Don't be afraid to get a sitter for your children you will be grateful you did this!

17. One of the marriage partners should care for the couples finances, and the other should live on an allowance.

18. Do not have joint bank accounts.

19. Do not try to be a good mate; try to give your spouse what he or she needs.

20. Apply to your spouse all Bible verses about the treatment of others.

The last 4 I've not touched on as much an they must be something that you do after prayer and talking with your spouse about changes.

These are very simple principles which has been taught to many many couples. If you will follow them they will work! I pray that your marriage will see changes because of these 20 steps.

Marriage is a Commitment!

Read Ephesians 5:21-29 I realize I'm using the same passage each time, but this passage hits it right on the nail for our marriages.

If you are just coming in on this topic the 2 post before this will take you the beginning. I pray that if you are engaged, newly married or married for 20 yrs as my hubby and I are, that you will take a look at your relationship and make the changes needed.

11. Do not run with single people of either sex. You say, but I'm married there's nothing to worry about. Stop right there.... IT CAN BE DANGEROUS!!! A marriage will be ruined because one or both people of the marriage want the joys of marriage and the joys of their single life! You can't have both "worlds" when you say, "I Do" you have left the single world and entered the world of marriage. You say duh.... I know that! Well, then be ware hanging around with the old boyfriend/girlfriend is very UNHEALTHY!!!

12. Put your mate before your children. When you married it was you and your spouse. After the children come it's still you and your mate with the blessing of a child(ren). Once they grow up and move out it's again ONLY you and your spouse!
Keep this order in your marriage and you will go far
1. God
2. Your spouse
3. Your children

13. Put your mate before your parents. As a parent who has a daughter really close to marring age, I would hate for her to put me first. When she marries the one who is first in her life is God then her husband then her father and I.

14. Never criticize your in-laws. I have seen this in many marriages where the in-laws are criticized. Stop, Think and realize you wouldn't have your spouse if his/her parents hadn't of married and had her/him. They are just as special and important as your own parents!

15. Keep the mystique in your marriage. This is a series of lessons in itself. However we will touch a little here. Make sure that you keep that mystique in your marriage. As a married coupled we should still treat each other with reserve and formality. We need to keep the mystique in our marriage all the way through!!!

Remember marriage is commitment not an agreement!

Marriage is a Commitment!

Marriage is a commitment! Read Ephesians 5:21-29
6. Do not interfere with your mate's discipline of the children. This is very important, that you do this because the children NEED to see a united front between you and your spouse.
7. Remember, marriage is not an agreement; it is a commitment. When you said I do it wasn't if you do I will. It is I will even if you won't. When You said your vows, hold to what you committed to.
8. Never spurn your mate's affection or desire for affection. I Corinthians 7:1-5 The Bible is very clear here in this regard. If you don't allow the intimate part of your marriage it can destroy your marriage.
9. Let your children go, according to the plan.
Age                                   % Dependence                              % Independence
Birth                                      100%                                             0%
3                                              90%                                            10%
7                                              75%                                            25%
10                                            50%                                            50%
13                                            25%                                            75%
16                                            10%                                            90%
18                                              0%                                          100%

If you notice the %'s change as they get older! Many parents resent the change.
As a mom of a 19 yr old I will admit that letting go is hard!!! My children are between the ages 10 and 18 for my boys and it is not easy but you will realize if you let go a little more at each stage it will be better for you and the child.
10. Do not get to close to another couple. You can destroy not only your marriage but the other couples marriage if you spend to much time together!

Remember that every time you do right by your spouse you are doing right by Jesus!
Keep your marriage, exciting and fun!!!

Marriage is a Commitment!

Dr Jack Hyles - Marriage is not an agreement; marriage is a commitment.
The 4 causes of Divorce : 1. Finances
                                          2. Discipline of Children
                                          3. Problems with love life
                                          4. In-laws

*Every time we do right to our spouses we are doing right to Jesus!
*The I Do's and the I Don'ts of marriage

Read Ephesians 5:21-29
There will be 20 suggestions for you to read and think on, then act on.
1. Never speak disagreement. If something your spouse says you disagree with Don't say anything!!!
2. Divide areas of choice. Have area's you make decisions in and area's your spouse makes decisions in. Then have area's that you make decisions together in.
3.Share interests but no decisions. Having a mutual interest is good for a couple to have. However mutual decision making isn't good.
4. Have some time and activity apart from one another. You need your alone time just as you time together. Having separate interest makes life for a couple alot more interesting!
5. Realize tat you are married to Jesus. Matthew 25:34-40 Did you know you need to God and serve People??? If we don't serve people how can we serve God? If you cloth a person, you cloth Jesus, you feed the hungry, you feed Jesus. The way you treat people is the way you treat Jesus!!!

Come back tomorrow for 5 more points....

Try applying these 5 things to marriage today and see how it helps :) Marriage is made of God if we do as he says you will have a much better marriage. DO I always follow these steps, no because I'm human, but I do my best to follow and I ask the Lord to help me to follow his steps.

Have a great day friend!!!